4. Navigating Holiday Trauma
Navigating Holiday Trauma
Are you finding yourself struggling to be excited for the upcoming holidays? Have you noticed yourself feel down, irritable, or a desire to be distant during holidays of the past? As a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in treating trauma, I’m going to lay out some information about navigating holiday trauma, and how you can ultimately overcome it and heal!
Have you ever asked yourself these questions?
Have you ever wondered why the holidays can be so difficult for you?
Have you found yourself triggered by things that “should” make you feel happy?
Have you ever wondered why just being in this time of year can bring up so many difficult emotions?
Have you felt like you just want to don on your pajamas and sleep until the holidays are over?
If you said yes to any of these questions, you may be experiencing holiday trauma.
Types of Trauma:
Whether or not you experienced something that seems traumatic on the outside, there are many things that can cause holiday trauma. When something negative and distressful happens around the holidays, our brains naturally tend to associate the holiday with that distressful event, whether or not it was related.
The death of a loved one
The loss of a job
A divorce
Abuse of any kind
The ending of a relationship
The list can go on and on regarding distressful events that can happen around the holidays. Now, you may be asking, how do I overcome these distressful events and gain happiness once again during the holiday season? The answer isn’t completely straight forward, but it can be simplified: (1) provide yourself with grace, (2) allow yourself to feel the emotions, and (3) challenge any irrational thoughts that may be trying to hijack your brain, such as shame-talk of “I don’t deserve to enjoy the holidays again, I’m the worst.”
Grounding
The first thing that’s important to do is to provide yourself with grace, knowing that the emotions that your feeling are real and that it’s okay to feel them. An important way to cope with these traumas and triggers is to ensure that you can keep yourself grounded. If you need help with this, that is okay! There is no shame in asking for help.
Some helpful grounding techniques include:
Breathing exercises, such as Box Breathing, Cookie Breathing, 7-4-7 Breathing, or Candle Breathing
Box Breathing: Breathe in through your nose slowly for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, breathe out slowly through your mouth for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds. Repeat as needed.
Cookie Breathing: Imagine you’re holding a plate of cookies that smell delicious, but are too hot to eat. Breathe in through your nose slowly for 6 seconds, smelling the delicious cookies. Then, hold your breath for 4 seconds, followed by breathing out slowly for 6 seconds, blowing on the cookies to cool them down. Repeat as needed.
7-4-7 Breathing: Breathe in through your nose slowly for 7 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, breathe out slowly through your mouth for 7 seconds. Repeat as needed.
Candle Breathing: Put your finger or fingers up as an imaginary candle(s). Breathe in slowly through your nose for 5 seconds, hold your breath for 5 seconds, then slowly breathe out your mouth for 5 seconds, allowing the candles to flicker, but not blow out. Repeat 2 more times. On the final time, while breathing out, do a big breath to blow the candles completely out.
Using your 5 senses while on a walk, while holding something cold (like an ice cube), or while eating a comfort snack
Do some gentle exercise, such as yoga or stretching to provide a release for your muscles
Boundaries
Allow yourself to be able to set your own boundaries, giving yourself permission to not need to meet the unspoken expectations from others. You and your emotional safety is of top priority! Do what helps you to feel safe and comfortable emotionally. This can look like having a plan for where you can take a break during a family gathering, having a code word for your partner or trusted friend for if you’re feeling overwhelmed and need to leave, or if you even just show up for only a portion of the gathering or not at all. It is okay to set boundaries for yourself that will help you to feel at ease through the holiday season.
Connection
Find someone who you can trust that can support you through your hardships. You don’t need to go through this alone. Verbalize to them (to the best of your abilities) what you need, emotionally and physically, that will help your distressful symptoms be at their lowest. With their help, you can make it through the holidays with the least amount of stress possible, knowing that you have someone who will be by your side, whether they’re present physically or virtually.
Hope
There is always hope to overcoming these types of triggers so that you can experience these holidays with joy, happiness, and great memories. If the holidays are too distressful, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help. There is no shame in needing to receive help for a time in order to process through and resolve these traumas in order to get your life back. It’s a brave and honorable thing to do and makes you a champion!
Don’t allow yourself to feel like you have to go through this alone. Check out how trauma therapy, Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), and neurofeedback can help you feel like your best self again and heal from any holiday trauma you may have experienced!
If your partner or loved one is experiencing holiday trauma and you’d like to know how to better support them, seek help with partner support therapy services, where you will receive guidance, support, and confidence in continuing forward in your life, relationship, and in being able to provide support to those that you love and care about.
