9. How Can I Overcome Fear?
How Can I Overcome Fear?
There are many (beyond your wildest imagination) who ask themselves this questions. The comforting part is, you’re not alone. In this article, Eddie Shin, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in trauma therapy and helping people work through, overcome, and resolve their fears will shed some light on how you can overcome fear.
How to Gently Overcome Fear
Facing fear can feel overwhelming, especially when it’s rooted in trauma. I often hear phrases similar to, “I don’t even know where to start.” If that statement resonates with you or the people you support, know this: healing fear doesn’t require force, pressure, or pushing yourself beyond your window of tolerance. Instead, it happens through small, compassionate steps that help the nervous system feel safe again.
I’m sharing a few trauma-informed strategies that I often use in therapy sessions and practical ways that you can use them at home. These ideas are designed to feel doable and not overwhelming, so you can move toward healing at a pace that feels right for your nervous system.
1. Reframe Fear Through Narrative Therapy
Narrative therapy is a model of therapy that I often use and find helpful because it works on reframing the problem and externalizing the problem from the person themself. In therapy, I often use this type of therapy to help clients separate themselves from the fear (or whatever problem they’re encountering). Instead of “I am afraid…” we explore “Fear shows up for me when…”
One way to use this at home is to write (or speak) about your fear as if it’s a character in your story. For example, “Fear is trying to protect me from getting hurt again,” or “Fear is trying to help me to think through all possible options before moving forward.”
As you think through this, ask yourself: Is the fear accurate? Is it helpful? What does it actually want for me?
By gently re-authoring your story (or narrative), you’re helping yourself to overcome fear through storytelling. A simple way of re-authoring your story is by stating something like, “I’m learning new ways to respond when fear shows up.” Another way would be, “Fear has been trying to protect me while I’ve been learning new skills to work through hard things. Now that I’ve been learning new ways to respond to fearful situations, fear doesn’t have to get involved anymore.”
Rewriting your story after trauma can seem daunting at first, but through small and simple ways, great things can happen and you can overcome it!
2. Using Bi-Lateral Stimulation
One thing that a lot of my clients find helpful is the use of bi-lateral stimulation using part of what we do in Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). Although it is not safe to do ART without the guidance and direction of a certified or trained professional, moving difficult sensations is something safe to do at home on your own.
What I share with clients is that they shouldn’t try processing through anything or digging deeper into what the fear is trying to tell them. Instead, they are to simply notice the physical sensations that the fear is creating in their body and where the sensations are. As they add the eye movements or bi-lateral stimulation, they are able to use a metaphorical tool within their mind to move those sensations.
It may sound too good to be true, but once you try it once, this is likely going to be your new favorite tool! Even though this is a great tool for moving sensations, such as fear, it doesn’t replace participating in the life-changing experiences that a full ART session can provide.
I’ve broken down the way to use this tool into 3 simple steps:
Take a deep breath and notice what physical sensations you have in your body and identify where they are
Add eye movements (typically looking from one corner of the room to the next, going back and forth until you notice the sensations have moved) or place your hands on your knees or thighs and start tapping back and forth (some people find it helpful to put a timer on for 1-2 minutes and do this in sets)
Take a deep breath and check your body again for any physical sensations and ask yourself: “Has anything moved or changed?” (If some things feel a bit stubborn, repeat the exercise and use a different tool)
Ideas of metaphorical tools to use (some of my favorites that my clients have also loved):
Put all sensations into a basket of a hot air balloon and letting it float off into space
Use a high powered vacuum to suck all negative sensations out
Allow a nice, perfect temperature breeze to blow through your body and carry all negativity out
Turn a dial down to reduce tension, tightness, or heart racing sensations
3. Ground Yourself with CBT Thought-Tracking
This type of technique is a more logical thinking type of exercise. It’s typically helpful to write these things down at first, and then you’ll be able to do it more in your head over time.
One simple way that I like to practice with my clients that are experiencing fear, anxiety, or panic is having them “name it to tame it.” They get out a notepad and (1) write down the fear-triggering thought. Then (2), they ask themselves, “Is this fear based on a past threat, or a current one?” Lastly (3), they replace the thought with a more balanced thought, such as, “I’m noticing fear, but I’m actually safe right now.”
By following those 3 simple steps, you’d be surprised to see how quickly these thoughts can be controlled and tamed, instead of feeling wild and unruly. One additional thought that you can add is challenging the fear-triggering thought with asking yourself the question of, “What are 3 facts that are telling me that this fear is not true or rational?”
If any of this has resonated with you, try adding these tips to your daily life and see what can help! The main distinction that I’d like to share about applying tips you find on the internet versus techniques that you learn about in therapy is that the internet is generalized, while therapy is individualized. If you’d like to learn more individualized and tailor-fitted techniques that can help you in your circumstances, whatever they may be, feel free to reach out! I’d also be happy to answer any questions you may have about these techniques.
Trauma therapy is something that can be helpful for identifying where the fear is stemming from, and many individuals find Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) and neurofeedback helpful in the process of resolving and conquering the fear altogether.
